the perfect diet

I haven’t written in a while because, frankly, nothing very interesting to say. . .

but this morning I realized that I can share the topic that nearly everyone is a little interested in – dieting.

I am not big on diets; I find that keeping track of food kills the enjoyment and I have so many other things to fill my brain cells with.  I generally attribute lack of exercise to my extra pounds and kick it up a little if I feel I’m really out of control.   The last several years I have maintained a very even weight (excluding the pregnancy) and although not thrilled with it, I’m not continually gaining, so I figure that’s relatively healthy.

But I will take this moment to announce that I have found the perfect diet and am successfully, without counting anything, losing weight.  Here are the steps:

1.  Find a small child who is always hungry.  (If the child doesn’t talk yet, it’s helpful to create some kind of indicator – a sign, for example- that the child wishes to eat.)  Also of benefit is a lack of patience in said child – see # 6.

2.  Whenever you go to eat, fill your plate as full as you like with relatively healthy foods.  Avoid caffeiene, fried foods, etc.   (You will find this benefits your relationship with the child as well).

3.  Sit down next to hungry child and proceed feeding child from your plate.  As needed, be sure to cut up food in small pieces, mush, or blow on food to cool.  Be sure to give child ample time to chew, but not so much time between bites that he/she becomes fussy.

4.  When possible, sneak in a bite for yourself.  This is tricky, because if you are cutting the food in appropriate small bites, the child will chew and swallow fairly quickly.

5.  Refill plate as necessary.

6.  As soon as child is full, quickly eat whatever is left.  Do not take time to reheat – you’ll find out why.  Child will likely begin clamoring for attention, to get down from chair, or even to have diaper changed.   Continue to eat as quickly as possible (remember, small bites are best) as long as you can stand the yelling/demanding noises.

7.  When you can no longer ignore the child, put the plate down and begin cleaning food residue off of child.   Your meal is finished.

8.  Snacking is permitted throughout the day, but remember that most likely retrieving a snack will remind child of hunger and the sharing process will begin again.  At any time, weigh pros and cons of such situation and proceed with caution.

~ by bjtelle on November 27, 2008.